2019-02-06 / Editorial & Columns

Behind the Badge

No more football, what's a man to do?
By Larry G. Spence

As the roar of the Rams fans died to a murmur, and the Patriots' players lined up to once again kiss the trophy as it passed by on its way to the owner, most men, and some women were thinking aloud, "now what am I going to do?" Well, sports fans, never fear, basketball season is in and baseball is right around the corner.

However, since some of you are still in shock and denial over the Super Bowl outcome let me share a few football stories to carry you through the next months or so. I will leave the team blank so you can fill in whatever team name you wish. The first question is, Q. What do you call a fan holding a bottle of champagne? A. Waiter. Q. Why are the _____ like a possum? A. Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.

The _____ took the field for their first playoff practice. Not long after the practice started a _____ offensive player noticed a white powdery substance on the field. Practice was halted and experts were called to examine the substance. With recent scares about anthrax, officials worried that terrorists had somehow gained access to the field. Finally the tests were completed and the experts revealed that the powder was just the chalk dust from the goal line. It was an understandable mistake considering the _____'s offense seldom got near that area of the field.

Q. What's the difference between the ______ and a dollar bill? A. You can still get four quarters out of a dollar! Q. Why can't quarterback _______ the phone anymore? A. Because he can't find the receiver. Q. How many _______ does it take to win a Super Bowl? A. I don't know and we may never find out.

My friend was thrilled to get a ticket to the Super Bowl. The big day arrived and he took his seat in the stands. After the pre-game show he noticed the seat in front of him was still vacant. Even after the kick-off nobody was sitting there, so he asked the guy next to the empty seat why nobody was sitting there. They guy replied," It would have been my wife's seat but she died." "Well," said my friend, " Why didn't you just bring a friend or relative?" The guy replied, "Oh, they're all at the funeral." Let's wrap this up with a couple quotes for the football fans to hold them over during the off season. Saints RB, George Rogers said, "I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first." Former Chicago Bears player Doug Plank said, "Most football players are temperamental. That's 90 percent temper and 10 percent mental." Finally, Phyllis Diller commented, "The reason women don't play football is because eleven of them would never wear the same outfit in public."

In closing, if we could just get as excited about serving God as we do about sports and other stuff, the world would be a better place. Play ball! Be safe and be blessed!

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